Game boy!

I love gaming. It has always been the one true constant in my life. At times a passion, at times an obsession but always a means of escape through entertainment. I have been a gamer since as far back as I can remember.

My first introduction to gaming was on a system like the pictures below. I cannot specifically recall the brand but it was highly similar to the Atari consoles below. My uncle had a friend who owned this console and would often borrow it for us to play and the simplicity of the games were actually highly addictive. I vividly recall a Pong-like game that was just two white paddles on a black screen with each player controlling a paddle with a nob to move it up and down with the aim to try and hit a white pixel past the other player's paddle for points. There was not much variation except for a few options to increase the speed to further test player reflexes. Simple as it was it kept me entertained for days and so my gaming passion started.

Few years later my other uncle introduced me to my first interaction with a computer. I was too young to understand at the time the capabilities of the contraption I was actually dealing with but I could play games on it and that was all that mattered to me. Chess fast became a favourite and in time he got copies of Golden Axe which blew my tiny mind. Think I was about 7 or 8 at the time. I remember being a nag about it and would often visit his room in the backyard to hassle him to put it on for me. In the beginning I never truly bothered to learn how to install or play the games on his many floppy and stiffy disks and was actually careful not to break anything as it seemed all too complex with the typing of commands and green text that appeared daunting to my naive and frankly nonchalant mind as long as he was around. One time curiosity did get the better of me and I attempted boot it up on my own when he left it unattended. Long story short I for the life of me do not know what I did but apparently I did "break" it and got quite a memorable scolding as result.

 

During the same time my grandfather used to own a shop where he had a few arcade games such as Miss Pacman, Dig Dug and my favourite at the time Kung Fu Master, or as we dubbed it "Wa-dah" after the sound the lead character made when he would kick an enemy off the 2-D side scroll platform. A simple plot for Thomas who only seeked to free his love interest Sylvia who was captured by the villainous Mr X for reasons unspecified, with his very limited but effective range of karate moves. See below

I shall stop here for now and make this a multi-part post as I continue to reminisce about my gaming journey up until present day. 

On feeling "broken".

Hey guys.

Been a while and a lot has happened but for this post I would like to focus on "feeling broken". I use this term for now to generalize the feelings of uncertainty, uselessness and indifference that often leads to anxiety, isolation and in most cases depression. Of course no person is "broken" and we are all special and unique in our own way but in the shoes of someone who often finds them self filled with doubt and uncertainty, by comparison we do tend to feel less functional as individuals, but let me elaborate.

My dear son Riley has recently been diagnosed with acute ADHD, which we as parents did not just accept at first glance and run with. We made sure to educate ourselves and get more than one professional opinion. We hesitated for about a year to put him on medication and we went through due process with diligence and a healthy dash of scrutiny. All stemming from complaints at school about disruptive behavior during class and a general lack of attention even thou his marks were not reflective of this at all. Digging deeper we found that many of his symptoms do correspond with classic ADHD cases and his behavior at home was also reflective of this.

We tend to be very supportive parents and try to create a home environment of stability, nurturing and individual expression. Emphasis on try, no guidelines can prepare any parent to succeed A plus. In an ever changing world, what might have worked in the past could fail miserably today. All that can happen is for us to try and be progressive and keep an open mind. Fortunately for us we have all the resources and make use of every accessible option at our disposal.

4 key symptoms of ADHD include:
-Inattentiveness
-Hyperactivity
-Impulsivity
-Distractibillity

https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/add-adhd/key-symptoms-signs-adhd

Take note that these are just a few symptoms and professional diagnosis is needed to ascertain if any child or adult has ADHD. I have also found many helpful articles and videos on the subject which are easily available on the internet and Youtube during my research and will leave some links below.

With that being said the more we looked into my son and ADHD, the more I started to reflect on my own behavior and have always seen myself in him. Forgetful, easily distracted, lack of attention if not personally interested and general lack of content. Research also suggests that ADHD is a hereditary condition predominantly passed along from the male side. This began to make me question weither I too may have had a similar condition only to be left undiagnosed all these years. My incessant fidgeting, restlessness, constant boredom and general lack of interest in anything that did not interest me seems to make sense now. Thou this is pure speculation at this stage. I have been consulting with a few professional practitioners and have yet to be formerly assessed but this brings me to the feeling of brokenness.

Having never truly been able to commit to a single hobby, interest or even relationship for long periods of time it certainly would explain my feelings of inadequacy and alienation. Albeit on the outside it appears I am well-adjusted and can navigate life. (This is mostly thankful to my wife who bares most of the burdens in our household of adulthood with grace and passion.) Deep inside has always been a hurricane of turmoil, guilt, judgement, blame and doubt, that ultimately, by comparison has left me feeling like a broken person. History of substance abuse, anxiety and mild depression has at times led me to isolation and reclusiveness. I have reached a point where I am tired of being tired. There has to be a reason for me being this way. At this point I am not running with ADHD, it is by no means up to me to say but it does answer so many questions.

Point being that blind acceptance of ones flaws and faults, especially within comparison to others could be fatal. Practice diligence and be open to the notions that everything has a logical and often medical explanation. The child who will not stop talking, jumping, running and daydreaming is after all not just naughty or needs discipline. Adults who seem fidgety, undecided, chaotic, untidy and generally muddled are not always "broken". Not saying anyone needs fixing either, like a puzzle piece we just need to have our dimensions examined carefully and find our own place in the bigger scheme of things. We do fit, we just cannot be forced to fit into anyone else's picture but our own.

I will try to update on progress in due time and actually have a backlog of things I have been meaning to share. Thank you for reading for now thou and do feel free to let me know what your thoughts are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiwZQNYlGQI&index=2&t=0s&list=LLNk3R3LBl96au7c0Ksa7XLA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU6o2_UFSEY&index=1&t=0s&list=LLNk3R3LBl96au7c0Ksa7XLA